I have tried with everything that is in me to continue on with my "normal" life until this day came. Wednesday is quickly approaching and my future and the future of my family, all of them, will be forever changed, one way or another. I have no doubt that people everywhere have been thinking of me, praying for me and wondering how I've been. I just this morning had a message in my inbox letting me know they were thinking of me. This warms my heart and helps me remember that no matter what has been done to me, I still have people who genuinely care about me and are concerned.
Thanks to everyone who has called, texted, sent messages or just asked someone else how things were going or how I was doing. The smallest things mean the most. No matter what happens, I am still the person I was before, maybe even better. I have learned who my true friends are. I have learned that I cannot control what happens to me, I can only control how I react. I am strong. I am courageous. I am no longer afraid.
I have given everything over to God. Only He controls what happens now.
God Bless!
The date has been set
I received an email last night from Eric, my attorney. My fate is sealed on November 9, my sister's birthday. My mom says this is a sign. I pray she is right. My sister, the most faithful person I know, turns 40 that day. I pray her faith, commitment to the Lord and her belief in me will be with me wholeheartedly when the day arrives. The future of me, my husband, children and whole family will change forever that fateful day.
I knew this day would come and now that it is here, it scares me to death. I wish I could go on everyday as if nothing ever happened, but I can't. This day has haunted me for over a year now and I can't ignore it anymore. I have tried to prepare my children, Tyler and Sydney, for what could happen. They realize that even though we pray and believe in a favorable outcome, the system is messed up and we cannot guarantee what we are hoping for. I know they are scared. Who wouldn't be. Rod and I have tried to help them understand but I still don't understand it myself sometimes. I used to believe in the system and that it worked. Now, I know better.
Collin, Chelsi, and Josi is who I worry about the most. What are they going to think? Who is going to protect them when I'm not here? They will have Rod and he will do whatever it takes to ensure they are taken care of 100%. I'm their mother. They need me. They are little and still so innocent. They ask questions, constantly, and I am here to give them the answers 24 hours a day. There are things that only a mother can do and only certain things a mother knows without question.
I will continue to go about my business each and every day. I will get my kids ready for school, make their lunches, wash their clothes, get them to their ball games. This is my job. This is what I live to do. I will take my courses online for my BS in Elementary and Special Education, even though I may never teach because of this. I will stay on my course in life no matter the obstacles in hopes my life can continue on with the path I have chosen. I will be strong.
I knew this day would come and now that it is here, it scares me to death. I wish I could go on everyday as if nothing ever happened, but I can't. This day has haunted me for over a year now and I can't ignore it anymore. I have tried to prepare my children, Tyler and Sydney, for what could happen. They realize that even though we pray and believe in a favorable outcome, the system is messed up and we cannot guarantee what we are hoping for. I know they are scared. Who wouldn't be. Rod and I have tried to help them understand but I still don't understand it myself sometimes. I used to believe in the system and that it worked. Now, I know better.
Collin, Chelsi, and Josi is who I worry about the most. What are they going to think? Who is going to protect them when I'm not here? They will have Rod and he will do whatever it takes to ensure they are taken care of 100%. I'm their mother. They need me. They are little and still so innocent. They ask questions, constantly, and I am here to give them the answers 24 hours a day. There are things that only a mother can do and only certain things a mother knows without question.
I will continue to go about my business each and every day. I will get my kids ready for school, make their lunches, wash their clothes, get them to their ball games. This is my job. This is what I live to do. I will take my courses online for my BS in Elementary and Special Education, even though I may never teach because of this. I will stay on my course in life no matter the obstacles in hopes my life can continue on with the path I have chosen. I will be strong.
Life is what you make it
My life has gone in so many different directions in the last year sometimes I forget which way I am supposed to go. I know what I have control of and the things I do not, I leave in God's hands. My husband and my children are my life and they depend on me to keep it all together. I have to believe that everything is going to work out, I will remain here with my family, and life will go on. I live everyday to the best of my ability because I have to. My future and the future of my family is unknown. That is scary. God never gives us more than we can handle, right? He must really have faith in me and what I still have to do in this life.
We don't talk about it much, but it's always on my mind; how could it not be. I know that my family and friends are worried, scared and pray daily that everything will work out. I cannot thank them enough for remembering me and believing in me. My heart is full because of your love. I have too much pride and am too strong-willed to let what is happening to me and to my family get me down. My family has just as much, if not more, to lose if the outcome is unfavorable.
So...I hang in there, I put on a happy face and go on as if my life were normal, when in reality, nothing about my situation is normal. I didn't ask for this, I shouldn't be going through this, but I am. I cannot change what has happened, I can only prepare for the unknown. I can pray, pray, then pray some more. When I feel like all is lost, I look at the faces of my awesome husband, my beautiful children and know that for them, I must be strong. I'm not worried about me. I will be okay. I need to be here for my husband, who WILL go mad with all these kids. My kids need a mother to protect them, raise them right and teach them about the true evils of this world. They do exist. I am living proof.
Life is what you make it....I choose to make it the best I can under circumstances beyond my control.
Wish me luck
We don't talk about it much, but it's always on my mind; how could it not be. I know that my family and friends are worried, scared and pray daily that everything will work out. I cannot thank them enough for remembering me and believing in me. My heart is full because of your love. I have too much pride and am too strong-willed to let what is happening to me and to my family get me down. My family has just as much, if not more, to lose if the outcome is unfavorable.
So...I hang in there, I put on a happy face and go on as if my life were normal, when in reality, nothing about my situation is normal. I didn't ask for this, I shouldn't be going through this, but I am. I cannot change what has happened, I can only prepare for the unknown. I can pray, pray, then pray some more. When I feel like all is lost, I look at the faces of my awesome husband, my beautiful children and know that for them, I must be strong. I'm not worried about me. I will be okay. I need to be here for my husband, who WILL go mad with all these kids. My kids need a mother to protect them, raise them right and teach them about the true evils of this world. They do exist. I am living proof.
Life is what you make it....I choose to make it the best I can under circumstances beyond my control.
Wish me luck
Back to life...Back to reality
Although I have a few things left to wrap up at the old place, we are on the ranch and couldn't be happier. The 3 littles ones have found a mud hole, at least I think it's mud, and spend most mornings covered in brown greatness. I am still trying to get this place in order, so for now, as long as they're having fun and not getting hurt, I'm okay with that.
Tyler is having Xbox withdrawals ( internet has not been arranged as of yet) so he is having to find other things to keep him occupied: studying for permit on Thursday, mowing, walking around the property with the little ones. Sydney is well Sydney. 13 going on 21. Teenagers are going to be the death of me, and I still have 14 years to go. Help me now.
I have another week off from my classes before returning and this couldn't have some at a better time. After almost a year of courses, I am still maintaining a 3.8 GPA believe it or not. Rod is working, like he always does, and trying to get his "man-cave" fixed up in his shop/garage.
We are currently residing about 15 miles from Clinton city limits and wouldn't change a thing.
Tyler is having Xbox withdrawals ( internet has not been arranged as of yet) so he is having to find other things to keep him occupied: studying for permit on Thursday, mowing, walking around the property with the little ones. Sydney is well Sydney. 13 going on 21. Teenagers are going to be the death of me, and I still have 14 years to go. Help me now.
I have another week off from my classes before returning and this couldn't have some at a better time. After almost a year of courses, I am still maintaining a 3.8 GPA believe it or not. Rod is working, like he always does, and trying to get his "man-cave" fixed up in his shop/garage.
We are currently residing about 15 miles from Clinton city limits and wouldn't change a thing.
On the road again
I Am Me
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to other or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am Me, and I am Okay.
~ Virginia Satir
American psychologist and educator, 1916-1988
~ Virginia Satir
American psychologist and educator, 1916-1988
Save the Whales
I found these among some pictures of my inlaws. I didn't even know they existed. For any of you interested in knowing what it looks like during the final stages of pregnancy with twins, this is it. WOW...I was REALLY big....Enjoy
What just happened?
Never a dull moment in this house of mine. Just last week I caught the 3 little ones out the upstairs window on the roof. Yeah! I guess they were practicing the fire drill? It scares me to think what might have and could have happened had I not gotten up there when I did. They had only been up there a couple of minutes before I ventured up to check. I was telling this story to some friends of mine from Arkansas and their oldest (age 15) asked, "Who was watching them?" After some chuckling I answered. "I was." Even when you watch them, there is always a moment they find to do something totally unexpected.
I always thought I wanted an older 2-story house like the one we are living in now. Wrong. Unless of course I didn't have children. Ok, maybe not even then. I have begun to dread climbing the stairs to check on little ones, get kids up in the morning, clean and ensure my youngest haven't ventured outside. We have found a place in the country that should do the trick. No more 2-story climbing on the roof. If they fall out a window, they'll survive. Guaranteed. While I dread moving again, I embrace the idea of safety. Safety for my children, my sanity and my household in general.
I always thought I wanted an older 2-story house like the one we are living in now. Wrong. Unless of course I didn't have children. Ok, maybe not even then. I have begun to dread climbing the stairs to check on little ones, get kids up in the morning, clean and ensure my youngest haven't ventured outside. We have found a place in the country that should do the trick. No more 2-story climbing on the roof. If they fall out a window, they'll survive. Guaranteed. While I dread moving again, I embrace the idea of safety. Safety for my children, my sanity and my household in general.
A girl can dream...
I have always wanted to find out where these are located. I used to tell myself as a kid I must be related, since it's not a common name (at least where I'm from). I even have a tin my mother gave me from a Morrow's Nut House. My ultimate favorite possession. Yeah, I'm a little strange that way.
Saturday sayings...
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child ~Joe Houldsworth
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing ~ Phyllis Diller
Children make you want to start life over ~Muhammed Ali
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance ~Franklin P Jones
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing ~ Phyllis Diller
Children make you want to start life over ~Muhammed Ali
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance ~Franklin P Jones
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